Chapter 3: Published August 18th 2012 was on a Saturday and was in week 33 of 2012.
As of this writing it was 3146 days ago
Hey look, Scholar talks again. I love it. Explaining why magic is pretty worthless at solving crimes, and it is done in a really great and believable manner
Reading what the High Step hotel looks like. Ugg. Not impressed. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this in a nicer part of the town? kitsch? yeah, that's a good word for it.
They say ponies evolved as herd animals, and I believe it
HA
Face hoof Reporters. really? Which comment are you showing? the one where he admits he hasn't seen the body yet? The one where he says he's going to eat the mic or the one telling your dumb ass to get out the way?"
The old guard knows when they need to shape up because the boss is coming. They gave me one look and made the determination almost instantly: not the boss.
HA
I’d probably have been sold on it sooner without all the spiritual frippery
Hey, its like how I would have been sold on reading FoE sooner had I not been told it was MLP.
Since this crime scene plays such an important part of this story, its getting a Who's Who and labeled in here. Over on the who's who someone has drawn it and yes, I put the picture over there.
Dear Sun and Moon, please let it be some other crazy mare
Oh Hardy, your luck isn't that good.
A lot of the crime scene info made it over into the Who's Who section with the label Crime Scene.
She lifted the mare’s rear leg, sticking her head uncomfortably close to her genitals. I looked away from the frank examination. Years on and I’d never gotten used to Taxi’s particularly hooves-on style of investigation. She’d rant and rail about the sacredness of life all day, but until a case was solved, a body was a body.
Huh. This is prob a good way to look at crime scene.
“One day, if you’re smart, you’ll spend a paycheck on a coat that’ll keep you warm in the cold and dry in the rain. It’s essential police gear. Telly laid some of that good ol’ File Cloud magic on the pockets. I’m the only one who can get into them. They’ll carry about a saddlebag worth of stuff in each and weigh about a tenth as much.”
I want one!
“Coroner! Trust me, we don’t want to be on the crime scene with him and those reporters or tomorrow morning we’re going to be all over the front page wearing party hats at a murder!”
Head cannon. Slip is a descendant of Pinkie Pie.
TO THE COMMENTS of the 38 I like
:D
An actually good balance on the darkening of Equestria for once. I kind of wonder where it is going at this stage but even given the lack of information I do not think that it will be a lame direction. In addition the story hasn't worked too hard to fit in the main shows cast allowing for a more non forced flow of character development of OC especially. So far the author has done a rather bang up job of making semi-Human like and makes me wonder what the outcome will be.
While I have read other cop dramas with similar elements, this one has been written to take advantage of the facts of the Equestrian story line with out warping itself or the story lines past.
In short I like it so far even it is out of my usual comfort zone. Don't F it up. although at this point with the nice comedic atmosphere in the background Humans as Aliens could not mess this storyline up.
Please do not be insulted. A truly bullet proof story line is a good quality to have in a story. The fact that you have not morphed that into something terrible is proof enough of your skill. Especially since you have not stuck with a single descriptive phrase to make it boring. A good balance I hope the rest of your story is as good.
I am thoroughly enjoying this story. The characters, pacing, world-building, and plot are all wonderful. It's a big bonus that you've taken the noir tropes and pushed them just enough to bring them into line with MLP's gentile satire and humor. Your characters are complex, engaging, and likeable. Your world-building is logical and well thought-out. The story is so full of interesting stuff that it moves very quickly. In fact, I sat down with this chapter and got to the end only moments later... or so it seemed!
976885 Man, this is exactly the sort of critique I love to get. The adjective thing has worried me for some time and I'm always a little heavy on those. I'll do my best to back off a little and make it flow more solidly.
Chapter 3 was VERY difficult (as was Chapter 4) but things should even out slightly as we press on, largely because the framework we have in place now is better.
Trust me, the original was a MESS. We originally had 80,000 words of this story written. Just done, written. Chapter 1 and 2 have been re-written twice.
We made a decision to go back and scrap all of it and re-write it for largely the reasons you've laid out here. I was, a BAD writer back then. Just bad. I'm still in the learning process. Some of my sentences are still awkward and I've got a lot of problems with a schizophrenic pace (I feel it's schizophrenic) but I am improving. I'm just glad to have people interested.
Thank you!
-Chessie
- 1920 22 year old representative Harry T. Burn is deciding vote in Tennessee's and thus America's ratification of the 19th Amendment to the constitution allowing women's suffrage after letter from his mother
No comments:
Post a Comment