Chapter 8: Published September 28th 2012 was on a Friday and was in week 39 of 2012.
As of this writing it was 3,112 days ago.
FiM would air two episodes on April 7th. Season 2, Epi 24 "MMMystery on the Friendship Express" and Season 8 Epi 4 "Fake It 'Til You Make It"
six-way jurisdictional clusterbuck
- Organized Crime Unit,
- Narcotics,
- Accounting?
- Ponycide,
- Sentient Construct Liaison
- ?
- Office of the Coroner
and the word 'Special' is a fine gloss that does not even begin to do justice to that particular breed.
LOL, who told Swift the smartest thing to do was bring Hardy bagels? Taxi, smart! Oh yeah... she would think that Hardy's apartment is a 'toxic hazard'
so I did my best to let it go
Okay, okay, I know it would be another year before that stupid movie would come out but
I gotta say, I love how the cop breakfast is bagels not doughnuts.
I found myself humming something my mother used to sing me
If that proves to be real, I'll throw in a clip of it.
The last time I was there he gave me ice cream that’d been cooling in somepony’s chest cavity!
Okay, can you see why its my head cannon that Slip Stitch is a descendant of Pinkie Pie :D
Below that was a raft of disparate bits of consideration and a dozen numbers listed as references.
“What are these?” I asked, raising them so she could see.
“As far as I can tell from the few I could find, those are hospital cases in which the victim was a unicorn who lost their horn.”
Yup, Swift's 'ick' face is definitely appropriate as she looks at one of the hospital files.
Why would a bakery ever need to survive a dragon attack?
Hmm
The morgue looked like nothing so much as an upturned lump of ice-cream laying on the tarmac, having been spilt by a titanic foal who’d presumably gone and wept to his mother until she bought him a second scoop. The dome was ferociously, viciously, ecstatically pink. Protuberances presumably made to look like chocolate chips jutted out randomly from its surface. The only structure that might have rivaled it as a stronghold was The Castle itself.
Oh, looks like the cannon trigger got replaced with a button
Okay, I just wanted an excuse to include this AWESOME YouTuber in my blog at least once
Oh hey look, its Thal, who use to be a pony, until she ate Poison Joke.
Oh hey look, the chapter ended. Lets have a peek at the comments, 56
Sorry Taxi, move to the side, we have a new best pony in town: STITCH. Stitch, I love everything about you, never change. You're absolutely disturbing and disgusting, but you're fun about it, and you do what needs to be done. Pinkie would be proud.
Anyway, allow me to go CALLED IT on the color drain thing, though I'm not sure if that was particularly obvious. I like how we've got a bunch of clues here and things seem to be fitting into place and we've still got a million words to go. Hoooooo boy. Enjoyed this a lot more than previous chapters.
My guess: someone is trying to use the horns (most likely Cosmo, but he could be a red herring or not the big boss) and use them to get revenge on unicorns themselves. Possibly create a way for the other races to use magic? But that's just a surface level suggestion. More will come...
I'm thinking mystic drug-high crazy Jane Pony probably tried to run away because ZEEEEEBRA nonsense let her see the future of what was happening. Maybe. That's what i'd do if I was writing this nonsense. hmmmmmmm... (or maybe I'm just throwing knives at a dartboard becuase i'm still not sure how she fits)
-GM, master of rice.
GMBlackjack It's interesting to hear your perspective on this all these years later.
I mean, you're wrong about almost everything related to the actual mystery. But it's entertaining to hear.
Slip Stitch is pretty great. I did enjoy writing him every time I had an excuse.
-Chessie
Why would a bakery ever need to survive a dragon attack?
This, also, needs to be a short story. :)
Interacting with Stitch was a trial
Clearly not by jury, because where would they find twelve ponies as crazy as him?
Am I the only one picturing Christopher Lloyd (aka Doc Brown) as the voice for Slip Stitch?
This is in stark contrast to the greatest griffin coroners, who've occasionally been known to invoke a ritual upon the completion of an autopsy that roughly translates to 'Left Overs.'
"Whelp.. Looks like we are done here. Cause of death has been determined. Forms have been filled out. Reports have been filed.
...
You gonna finish that?"
Reminds me of Sphinx from Gone in 60 Seconds
Then came the tapping. The infernal tapping.
There is a raven in here somewhere.
Let's see...
Once upon a morning dreary, while I slumbered, weak and weary,
Over many an empty bottle of the brewer's finest skill—
Passed out cold and snoozing, from my overindulgent boozing
I heard sounds most confusing, tapping at my window sill.
"'Tis some pigeon," I slurred, "tapping at my window sill—
I think today I'll call in ill."
Trembling, with hooves uncertain, I threw aside the grimy curtain
Morning sun shining, blinded by bright Day-glo fur;
But the smell set my mouth a-flutter, onion bagels topped with butter!
"Ah ha," I did mutter, "A yeasty breakfast for a cure!"
My stomach agreed and did concur.
Quoth the rookie "Breakfast sir!
Best coroner around. You’ll see when you meet him.”
<...>
I’d neglected to mention that Slip Stitch was the only coroner in the entire region.
I like to do something similar when I talk to people about my work:
"Hi! I am SIGAWESOME and I am the number 1 premier <title> in my division!" 
Only the original designer could say for certain, in the recesses of his or her possessed and heavily sugared mind, why the building had needed to be so durable. Why would a bakery ever need to survive a dragon attack?
Given Equestria's natural background magic, the not-inconsiderable skills of its denizens, and the titanic energies tossed around during the Crusades, the answer may be simultaneously much more prosaic and horrific than you would imagine. The citizens of Detrot should ask one simple question about the building: "Which side were the door latching and locking mechanisms located?" It very well may be that the building was designed not so much for keeping things out, but rather keeping things in...
Detrot City Legendary Confectionery Celebratory Cemetery Preparatory!
“What exactly were you studying then this happened?”
The hamster stuck her paws in her pockets and sighed. “Rodent life-cycles.”
Could have been worse I suppose. She could have very well been researching the dietary habits of Ursas Major and studying their spoor... 
Yeah, no question Slip Stich is one of Pinkie's descendants--but it sounds very much like he got a touch of Cerise (from my head canon) too! :) The eyeball on the popsicle was a nice touch...
Oh, and I bet I know who Pinkie got to help build her bakery...it's got that "Twilight" overachievement vibe written all over it. Is Twi an alicorn in this particular Equestria?
Also, I am so going to steal that "Mr Ed" song of yours...it was absolutely a work of art!
I really, really want to see Slip Stitch meet up with Bob from the Dresden Files.
The hamster stuck her paws in her pockets and sighed. “Rodent life-cycles.”
Rodent-Man, Rodent-Man
Does whatever a rodent can
Squeaks and runs, every time
Eats his food, at the chime
Look out, here comes the Rodent-Man
(Yes, I'm aware she's not a "man", but work with me here 
)
Chessie Oh, I don't mean it in a bad way either. I only read a few, and it seems I ran into the better ones. Still wouldn't recommend trawling through them, though, ponyfics are better, but the, shall we say, criteria applied to the levels of weird or gross in those seem to fit nicely.
The inclusion of a Pinkie Pie confectionery factory turned into a massive morgue instantly made me think of Fallout Equestria minus the magic nukes.
Oh, and I'm not dissing the story. There's way too little black comedy done right, and I think Starlight one of the instances where it's good.
Also, good job keeping up both of the 'lines' - the underworld politics one and the mystery murder one, in Hard Boiled's own words.
Go read
Why would a bakery ever need to survive a dragon attack?
I see what you did there.
Turning grey? Something Discord related?
So I don't think I commented on this as I was reading, but EVERYTHING except the red moon, was GREY, inside and out. KeePony ask a VERY good question here that Chessie later answers as nope. But I wanted to point it out anyways.
1956 "Johnny Carson Show" TV Variety last airs on CBS-TV
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